~Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.~

These past few weeks I’ve found myself in a very inspired mood. I’ve wanted to fall away from my mundane routine of life, and instead spend my time writing, or drawing, or painting, or traveling. I’ve being itching to try new things and explore and create and just generally do all the things I dream of doing but never seem to have time for. So I started setting aside time throughout the week to actually start doing some of these things! I wake up early to take pictures, I choose to practice calligraphy instead of watching Netflix, and I make sketches instead of napping. And it feels. so. good. Perhaps it was all the time I spent on Pinterest, or my visit to Artisanal LA’s spring market that inspired me. But whatever it was that got me in this mood doesn’t really matter anymore because the feeling stuck and gained momentum and now I’m just rolling with it! It feels so refreshing to spend my time making and creating rather than always just lounging and waiting. It makes me feel accomplished and productive at the end of the day, because even if I haven’t made a physical piece of art to show off, I know I’ve made progress, and that’s a huge step for me.

In complete honesty, I’ve always been one who avoided activities that could potentially lead to failure. Since I was young I have always held myself to unachievable high standards and it has made me terrified to step out of my comfort zone. If I wasn’t positive I could do something with at least some guaranteed level of accuracy, there was no way I was going to attempt it and embarrass myself.  If I was going to pick up a paintbrush, I better be creating a masterpiece or else there’s no reason in trying. And so I did exactly that- nothing. I shied away from painting and drawing and being creative because creativity meant stepping out of my comfort zone, which was simply too frightening.

But this month it finally dawned on me that I could practice without having to create a final product. I could try for the sake of trying, without having to be perfect. And I know it seems like such a simple and obvious statement, but this realization was such a relief for me. It freed me from my own constraints and allowed me to do all the things that I claimed I didn’t have time for, but really was just afraid to try. I finally gave myself permission to make mistakes which is something I haven’t done in a long time.

And so I’m doing as much as I can while this euphoria lasts to make the most of my newfound inspiration. I know that at some point the high will wear off and those creeping doubts will slowly try to resurface. But I’m hoping that after spending so much time just enjoying the progress, I won’t slip into that limiting, perfectionist mindset that I had before.

For the first time in a while, all the little things I used to dream of doing have finally started becoming a reality. And it’s neat to know that’s because I made them a reality. So I’m going to continue to write and paint and sketch and explore, even when it seems scary or hard, because nothing is better than this feeling I have knowing that I’m at least trying. And that’s something I can be proud of.

<3 Ash


1 Comment

  1. Anonymous
    April 18, 2017 / 6:46 pm


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